Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid To "Pull a Phoebe"

Can you bring something to the bake sale? Mind watching my kids for a couple hours? Can I sign you up as a volunteer? 

Women get asked questions like these a lot. But WHEN did women start feeling afraid to say no?  And I mean just say “no” without apologizing, defending your decision, or lying to get out of whatever it is.  When did we become prisoners of others’ needs?  Do you remember in that episode of Friends, when they ask Phoebe for help and she simply says, "I wish I could, but I don't want to." Now THAT is a good, honest answer. 

I don’t mind hearing the word no. In the volunteer world, it is my job to seek help, and I get a lot of no’s before I get one yes.  That's to be expected and I never get offended or the slightest bit miffed by it.  But when someone gets defensive and angrily goes on about how they work, have kids, have a life etc. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

   

One, you can just say NO.  Don't feel guilty or balk at the question.  If anything, you should feel flattered that someone wanted to include you and thinks you are up for the task.  

Two, you can’t tell someone that has a full time career and a part time job and still makes their kids and husband breakfast and dinner every day, that YOU are too busy.  Excuses aren’t necessary and they wouldn’t work on me anyway. I don't expect anyone to jam their schedule as full as I do and it would be foolish of me to boast about how busy I am.  I am not super woman, just someone who personifies the saying "idle hands are the devil's workshop".  I know that if I don't stay very busy, I will settle down on the couch with chips and ice cream and watch bad reality TV until I have to get my fat pants out of the box in the garage.  
We all have our own issues and reasons why we say "yes" or "no".  

Just be honest.  You'll get more respect for an honest "no" than an excuse or a "yes" with your fingers crossed behind your back. I always try to look at situations through the eyes of my young girls.  What am I teaching them?  I am teaching them that a woman can do anything she sets her mind to, no matter how busy life gets.  I am showing them how to manage time by figuring out their passions, working hard, and staying dedicated.  And MOST importantly, I am teaching them that they can say “NO” without guilt or excuses in ANY situation.  

Why You Shouldn't Even Try To Be Perfect

Right after we moved to Colorado, I was in a thrift store (aka my happy place) and I found a 14 piece set of beautiful Pottery Barn dishes for next to nothing.  I don’t put these dishes in the cupboard. I stack them on a shelf because they are just too pretty to be in the dark.  They were in pristine condition when I got them, and that was about two years ago and a handful of dinner parties, kids helping put them away, unrecommended baths in the dishwasher, falls off the counter, etc.  You know what? I like them even more now, with the intermittent nicks and tiny cracks, a testimony to the good times we have in the kitchen.   

It is so easy to fall into the trap where we believe everything needs to be perfect.  But being perfect is impossible and that up-hill battle gets old fast.  I used to work myself to death exercising and watching every single calorie.  I would put on makeup and curl my hair even if I was just going to the grocery store.  Yeah, I looked great, but I was exhausted. And hungry!  Fast forward some fifteen years, and I have more pounds on me and miles behind me, a nice big c-section scar, and even a few gray hairs on my head.  Definitely not perfect, but I will take this real life over the monotony of perfection any day.   

Celebrate your scars, your imperfections, the bumps in the road that make the journey more exciting, the stories you can tell, the cracks in your favorite dishes.  Throw away the image of what you think your life should look like, and bask in the charm of the life you have.  Find the beauty. It is all around you.   

Why You Should Always Venture Down The Clearance Aisle

My daughters and I have never met a clearance aisle that we didn’t like.  Earlier today we were in City Market, and we found our new favorite kitchen gadget; the Piggy Pop!  Yes, it is as cool as it sounds.  It is a silicon tray that you bake your cornbread and hotdogs in to make pigs in the blanket in the shape of little pigs! How cute is that? We were so excited to try this avant-garde culinary experience that we had a batch in the oven before we even had the groceries unloaded.  They were easy, adorable, and delicious. In my kitchen, that is the winning trifecta.  I should note that the Piggy Pop can also be used as a Jell-O mold, and I frankly cannot think of anything cuter than little, jiggly, Jell-O piggies.    

We were in a hurry to try these today, so we used a package of Jiffy Corn Bread mix.  However, when we make these again I will use my slightly more complex Sweet Corn Bread Recipe, below. We also use Nathan’s Hot Dogs, because they’re the best 🙂 

• 1 box Betty Crocker Yellow Cake Mix 
• 2 boxes Vegetarian  Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix 
• 1/2 cup sunflower oil 
• ¾ cup water 
• 2/3 cup almond milk 
• 5 eggs 
• 
  

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl and pour into a 9 x 13 baking dish (or into a Piggy Pop 😉 ). Bake at 350 for about half an hour.  

Why Sundays Are A Good Day For Thinking

I miss having all my Sundays off of work, but when God blessed me with a great job that I wasn’t even qualified for, of course I took it.  So this morning I didn’t get up and put my girls in their adorable dresses. I didn’t go to church. Instead, I stayed in my PJs and walked the ten feet from my bedroom to my office and sold mattresses.

I make the most of it and do as much regular “Sunday stuff” as I can. I’ll listen to last week’s sermon on the church website. I’ll get my Sunday paper and cut out coupons. When I get done with work at five, I’ll make a big dinner. I’ll think about where I’ve been and where I’ll go next, because Sundays are a great day for thinking about the big picture.

Let me start by saying I am not an expert on religion. I didn’t grow up going to church, not even on Christmas or Easter. I started my spiritual journey rather late in life, and at this point I can only be described as a student, and basically a kindergartner, maybe a first grader. But, I do take it seriously and I am determined to learn as much as I can. I go to Bible study, I attend a Christian college, and I pay attention to what is going on in the world in regards to religion. That’s where things can get rather heartbreaking.

The word evangelical means ‘good news’ or ‘gospel’. So we, as evangelical Christians, are called to spread the good news. Sounds like fun, right? But it can be scary, especially for those of us that are socially awkward, to find the right approach or the right moment to say, “Hey, you know what would make that situation better? Some Jesus!” Just because you believe something with all your heart doesn’t necessarily mean you can convey it to others. It can be hard. Unfortunately, there are things and people that make it harder.

I stumbled on a troubling Twitter page today, operated by a pastor out of Tennessee. The language he uses and the aggressive way he speaks in a lot of his videos truly broke my heart. I believe in spreading the ‘good news’. I don’t believe in name-calling and prejudice. I may not always agree with what happens in the world, in politics, or even in my own community, but what purpose does it serve to hate, and to spread that hate? Being an evangelical Christian is hard enough without those with a platform making a mockery of what Christians have been called to do. I fear that those who are lost will find this Twitter page and believe that this is the norm. It isn’t. At all. When we love the unlovely, hug those that are hurting, show the love we have of Christ through our actions towards others, whether or not they have the same beliefs as us, that is when we are truly “sharing the good news”. Love is what builds bridges. How has that gotten lost?

I know that once people step in the door of a chapel and experience kindness and fellowship it can change their life for the better, forever. I wish I could scoop up everyone in a big hug and plop them down at the Sunday service at my church. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be there to witness it. I’d probably be working that day.  

Why Comfort Food Doesn't Always Work

Today we lost Anthony Bourdain. Watching the coverage I am feeling so sad that another life was lost to suicide.  I selfishly feel sorry for myself that I won’t be able to see any new episodes of his program that was so dynamic and gratifying. I’m even feeling a little jealous of those that got to be his friend, that called him Tony. What an amazing friend that would have been to have. He made us see how important food is, beyond nutrition. He showed us how our culturally distinct cuisine bridges gaps, how the ingredients and method of cooking make us diverse, yet the joy it brings makes us similar. He was one of a kind while showing us that we are not all that different. 

I’ve been thinking about my grandmother since I heard the news about Anthony Bourdain. While their deaths were very different (my grandmother died in a hospital surrounded mostly by people who really loved her after complications of an illness), their lives were similar. They were funny, bold, and enigmatic. My Grandma Lois was the best cook I’ve known, not because she had the best culinary skills on the planet (though she was a dynamo in the kitchen) but because I really loved eating whatever she made, and I loved eating it with her. She was the closest person that I have ever lost, and the last thing I wanted for a long time after she died was comfort food, because she was the queen of comfort food and it just made me downright heartbroken. After time had passed, I was able to make meals like she did and enjoy them with a smile on my face while thinking of her. She is still missed, but she is celebrated through the legacy she left, which for me is mostly in the kitchen. 

So today, while I eat with little appetite, I will make a toast. I will call him Tony, because we could have been friends. I will have dinner without much enthusiasm. I know that I will continue going to different places, eating unfamiliar, delicious foods, and I will be able to do it with a smile thinking about Tony and the influence he had on me and everyone else that had the pleasure of watching him explore, discover, and live. Godspeed, sweetheart!

Why Kids Should Help In the Kitchen

When you let your kids help you out in the kitchen, they learn valuable life skills, and you learn the patience of a saint. So, basically a win/win situation. I let my first born daughter, April, start honing her mad culinary skills at age three. The confidence she has now, three years later, is remarkable. At the tender age of six. she has lapped some of my peers on the maturity track as she can cook healthy meals ALL BY HERSELF. While I, of course, do the classic mom-maneuver of "watching while pretending not to watch so she doesn't feel like she needs to be watched".

It's important to let your kids make a mess, too. Don't let the fear of your kitchen looking like the aftermath of a prison riot stop you from letting your little ones experiment in the kitchen. I know we all try to teach our children to do things the 'right' way, but little hands using big utensils will ultimately end up with some spillage and imperfection. Who cares? When you're done with your cooking lesson, a cleaning lesson just seems natural.I remember a couple years back, my husband came home to me standing on a ladder wiping the kitchen ceiling. I told him that April had made her own smoothie, but hit the blend button before we had put the lid back on. You have never seen a child so terrified and then instantly elated with herself as when that food started flying through the air! A mess that took me a half hour to clean up is a memory that will make us laugh for years to come.

When it comes to kids in the kitchen, I say, "Let them eat cake! And bake cake! And make a good ol' mess to clean up!" Trust me, you won't regret it. And when they are little expert chefs and want to make meals for the family, that's one less thing for you to do. Win/Win!

Why You Should Eat Local Favorites When You Travel

Whether you are in Paris, France or Asheville, North Carolina, when you travel you should always eat the local faire. I am in love with taking road trips, finding little restaurants, and ordering whatever the special is. I don’t always like the food. (Thank you Tropical Turkey Salad from a diner in Okemah, Oklahoma that shall remain nameless). While I didn’t like the mixture of mayonnaise, curry, turkey, and fruit, the waitress was the picture of Southern charm. 

Just like a trip is about the journey, not the destination, dining out is about the experience, not just the meal. Have you ever traveled with someone who only wants to eat at Olive Garden and McDonald’s? Takes the wind right out of my sails. When I started dating my husband, I fell in love with him and his taste in food. Until we had Subway obsessed children, he never took me to a generic restaurant, but he knew all the great, locally-owned eating places in the area. He is also a pro at finding hole-in-the-wall diners while we are traveling. There are a million reasons why I love him, but this is a big one. 

Next time you are on a road trip, pack some Pepto Bismol and take a chance on a local favorite. Nine times out of ten it will be out of this world, and the Pepto never has to leave your purse. In this day of technology, you can find restaurants online in the smallest of towns. Even Okemah, Oklahoma, if any of you want to go try that Tropical Turkey Salad.